Baby Announcement | A story of my journey

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It’s getting hard to hide, so time to share the news. We’re expecting again!

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There is a little more to this announcement than a photo could possibly capture. As happy as I am to share this news, I feel like I need to share the reason why this news is belated, and why, as happy as I am, I have been hesitant to celebrate.

This isn’t my 3rd pregnancy – it’s my 4th, and this isn’t my 3rd baby- it’s my 5th.

Near the end of September, I found out that we lost our baby. Our perfectly planned, perfectly timed, number 3. I was due in May. The kids all would have been spaced apart equally; but it wasn’t to be.

I had some spotting at 7 weeks and called my doctor. That’s when I found out that the baby didn’t have a heartbeat. My heart broke, my world shattered. You don’t expect a miscarriage after 2 perfectly healthy babies. I was in shock.

The doctors all assured me that there was probably something wrong with the baby, it wasn’t my fault, and it was a complete fluke. It didn’t feel right to me, but I was hopeful that it really was just a fluke. I waited for the miscarriage to happen naturally, still hoping they had made a mistake – but they hadn’t. I miscarried about a week after receiving the news.

I was devastated; but over a month passed, and after my period came, I was ready to start trying again. Then, one evening at dinner, I was suddenly overwhelmed by intense pain – I had to have my husband carry me to the bathroom – where I discovered I was bleeding heavily. We rushed to the hospital. It turns out, the miscarriage wasn’t complete. A tiny piece was left behind, and after having what I thought was a normal period, my body was aggressively trying to get rid of it. I ended up having to have a D&C procedure a few days later, on November 10th.

The doctor told me we could start trying again right away. I was hesitant, but she assured me it was fine; it wouldn’t increase the risk of miscarriage and I may actually be more fertile after the procedure.

Just 4 weeks later, I got a positive pregnancy test. They had me come in early for some blood tests, at 5 weeks. Everything looked good, my hCG was rising normally, and the lab accidentally ordered a progesterone level test, which was normal as well at 25. One week later, I was spotting. I called the doctor. They said they weren’t worried, but they had me come in immediately anyway.

It wasn’t my usual doctor, since it was a last minute appointment. She did an ultrasound, but said that at 6 weeks she wouldn’t be able to tell anything for sure. She found the baby, and said all seemed fine. No obvious signs of bleeding and though she couldn’t yet see a heartbeat, it was still early. She had me do another blood test to check that the hCG levels were still rising normally, and I felt compelled to ask her to include the progesterone test as well. She said that was unusual, but complied.

I got a call later that evening. My hCG levels were rising as expected, but my progesterone had dropped to 10. They said they would get me a prescription for progesterone, but that it took time, and I probably wouldn’t be able to get it until Monday (this was on Friday December 23rd, right before Christmas).

Well, I had been reading about reasons for miscarriages. Progesterone should rise by at least 1-3 every day, not suddenly drop (from 25 to 10 in a week), and from what I understand, a sudden drop, or a number below 10, would almost certainly cause a miscarriage.

I called the pharmacy, hoping, pleading, for the prescription to be ready ASAP. With Christmas just 2 days away, I knew it wasn’t likely. The pharmacist said he was sorry, Monday was the earliest they could do. I hung up, defeated. Then, late that evening, right before the pharmacy was about to close, I got a call. He had rushed my order through, and if we could get there in time, my prescription was ready. My husband dashed out to the store.. and so began my nightly ritual of taking progesterone. Over Christmas, I worried, and waited anxiously, hoping that that it wasn’t too late – that my progesterone levels hadn’t dropped too far, that my baby would be OK.

I went back in, a couple days after Christmas, to see my regular doctor and get another blood test. My progesterone was rising slowly, and when she did the ultrasound, there was a heartbeat. My baby was alive! All the worrying and waiting over Christmas was over, my baby was fine.

Then she found the reason for my spotting. There had been another baby. We would have had twins. She said we “dodged a bullet”, and though I was exctatic that I was still pregnant, I was flooded with sadness. We lost another baby.

Without my baby’s twin, I probably wouldn’t be pregnant right now. I would have had another miscarriage, and probably wouldn’t have known why. I am so thankful that we found the cause, and that this baby is OK. My doctor still doesn’t understand why my progesterone dropped. It doesn’t usually happen that way. Progesterone issues don’t usually develop after 2 successful pregnancies.

All I know is, I’m thankful to be 4 months pregnant right now, and though I feel like there is a constant cloud of sadness and worry hanging over me – I’m filled with hope for this rainbow baby.

Evie can’t wait to be a big sister, she hopes the baby is a girl. Mavid is excited too, he predicts the baby is a girl (he was right with Evie), but hopes it’s a boy. We didn’t find out the gender for Evie or Mavid, but this time I’m eager to know – so just one more month to wait.

My mom has a pretty amazing track record as well, so I’m curious to see her guess, now that she knows we’re expecting.

 

Winter-Twinkle Mini Sessions

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This year I set up a little photo studio in my house, and hosted winter mini sessions for two weeks in December.  The twinkly background made for some magical photos. I know a few people used them for Christmas cards, and they looked lovely.

I thought I would share some of my favourites from the sessions. Thanks everyone who came out! I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas tomorrow!

 

 

London | Newborn Session

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This post is so late, that I have already had little miss London, and her older siblings in for more photos since. However, better late than never, as they say.

London was welcomed to the world back in May, and I had a blast documenting her newness, and the love surrounding her. She has 3 older siblings who completely adore her, and the kindest parents. She is one lucky little babe! Here is just a tiny glimpse of her session.

Lacie & Mateus | Winter Love Session

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A little winter love session for the blog today. This isn’t a new session; Boulder is finally realizing that it is spring, and we’re well past the snowy season – I hope. So these photos will be taking you back to a snowy Sunday in December when I met up with Lacie & Mateus at Boulder’s beautiful Chautauqua, to make this cuteness happen.

Layers, scarves, patterns, and bold colours pair so well with the crisp white of fresh snow sparkling on the trees and dusting the flat irons. I love doing winter sessions, and Chautauqua is a spectacular location for them.

Hope you enjoy the photos of these two lovebirds getting cuddly in the cold weather.

Isamira & Ian | Winter Maternity Session

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Now that the baby in this belly, little Theo, is born, and a full 3 weeks old – I should probably get around to posting the maternity session his parents did back in January. They chose to keep the gender a surprise until the end – but now I can spoil the surprise – there is a little boy in there!

Chautauqua Park was the chosen location for this shoot, and with snow on the ground it was  quite chilly, but very beautiful and totally worth the frozen fingers (right guys?)

These two are going to be (and are already) wonderful parents. Theo is one lucky little guy.